The Night Before.......

The night before..... it is an experience in and of itself. The night before the first day of school. The night before Christmas. The night before the first day of a new job. All my fears, all my aspirations, all my concerns, all the possibilities swirl around keeping me from sleeping. I know I should be rested for tomorrow, but the anticipation and trepidation keep me from my slumber.

Tomorrow (or I should say, today) is the first day of the new hockey season. In 4 hours I will be on the ice. All my concerns, my worries will melt away for that hour as we glide around the rink. Unfortunately, its four hours away, which is fours hours for me to ponder my fears and ponder my hopes.

I pray my hopes will win over my fears.

The Tick

Tick…..tick…..tick…..tick…..”do not tax their lives with forethought of grief”…. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…… tick…… “Forethought of grief”. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…. “free”….. tick… tick… tick…. Escape the forethought of grief? Why? I lay here, watching the sun dance through the leaves above me. The grass against my skin, the tick… tick… tick… tick… A bumble bee flies near me… tick… tick… tick… Free? Freedom from the forethought of grief in the moment? What does that mean? Being is grief and free. Tick… tick… tick… tick… FOCUS! Focus on everything around you, tick… tick… tick… tick… I am focusing! Aren’t I? Tick… tick… tick…. Tick… What else is there to focus on besides my own pulse, my heart thumping in my chest. Tick…tick… tick… tick… tick… free from forethought of grief? Tick… tick… tick… the clock ticks away. Rest in the grace of the world…. Tick… tick… tick… tick… sun dancing through the leaves, blinding then dark and then blinding again. Tick… tick… tick… tick… the metronome continues as a clock ticking down my life. FOCUS! Tick… tick… tick… tick… I am focused! Where else should my focus be but on that which is most important to me… my heart pumping blood through my body. The tick of my artificial valve ticks like a clock in my head. There is no escaping it. Why would I want to? The grass is fine, the sun is nice, but the tick… tick… tick… of the valve. It slows as I breathe deeper. Tick…….. tick…….. tick…… it is a constant reminder of grief to come and grief that has been. When the tick stops, so do I. So I lay here and listen to my life…. Tick….. tick….. tick….. tick….. tick….. and lose myself in my own rhythmic beat of my heart feeling each contraction and grateful for each beat. And in each tick is a grateful acceptance of grief that will be as opposed to a reprieve. Tick….. tick….. tick…… tick…. I embrace my future grief when the ticking will end.

Dust to Dust to Dumb and Dumber

I swear every day I believe that organizations, government, and marketing firms think I get more stupid. The new one is the "Dust to Dust Automotive Energy Report." You can read a little about this here:

Hummer versus Prius:
“Dust to Dust” Report Misleads the Media and Public with Bad Science

The anti-hybrid “dust-to-dust” cost study that just won’t die

While there are a million blogs debunking the bad science, the bad methodology, the motives of the research organization CNW Research; there is a critical piece missing. The following statements are taken straight from CNW Researches website:

"To put the data into understandable terms for consumers, it was translated into a “dollars per lifetime mile” figure. That is, the Energy Cost per mile driven. This is a general-consumer report, not a technical document per se. It includes breakdowns of each vehicle’s total energy requirements from Dust to Dust but does not include issues of gigajuelles, kW hours or other unfriendly (to consumers) terms. Perhaps, in time, we will release our data in such technical terms. First, however, we will only look at the energy consumption cost."

Gee thanks! I don't think my feeble mind could even comprehend such complicated concepts as kW hours or gigajuelles, especially if I am interested in comparing environmental issues like, oh,... ENERGY CONSUMPTION! This has to be the worst cover for saying, "we have bad methodology and so we won't disclose it." No where is the methodology of the study offered or the data (something that is considered required for ANY academic or research publication.) This "report" is great example of how information can be created in a social context and justified by feeble logical fallacies, specifically Ad Verecundiam in this case.

It is amazing how article headlines, short tag lines, and buzz phrases have replaced (or is attempting to replace) actual critical thought that requires information to be digested and analyzed.

I ask nicely of my government and research organizations:

"PLEASE DON'T CONSIDER IT UNFRIENDLY FOR ME TO THINK. IT IS OFFENSIVE IN A DEMOCRACY THAT REQUIRES ITS CITIZENS TO THINK AND ASSESS!"

When one faces death......

Recently, I went to the ER because I didn't feel "right". Nothing more, nothing less. No extreme pain. No specific symptom. My expectation was that I had some infection or something and they would give me some medication. I ended up having an aneurysm and needed open heart surgery to replace my ascending aorta and my aortic valve. Reduced down, I accepted in a very brief amount of time (a couple of days) that I could very well die and that I had lived my life. Having a three month year old daughter, this was very hard to come to grips with. I have survived, I am recovering (physically); but there is a residue of this acceptance of my death continues to permeate my being in some ominous fashion. The only escape seems to be irrational grasps at normalcy: eating breakfast at a local diner, seeing friends, watching the NHL Stanley Cup games, playing a board game, posting on a blog. In the end, escape doesn't seem to be possible; nor wise. At some point life and death will both need to become part of my existence, I just don't know how it will be at this point.

The Journey of the Human

"At each stage of human existence the adult man is off on his quest of his holy grail, the way of life he seeks by which to live. At his first level he is on a quest for automatic physiological satisfaction. At the second level he seeks a safe mode of living, and this is followed in turn, by a search for heroic status, for power and glory, by a search for ultimate peace; a search for material pleasure, a search for affectionate relations, a search for respect of self, and a search for peace in an incomprehensible world. And, when he finds he will not find that peace, he will be off on his ninth level quest.
As he sets off on each quest, he believes he will find the answer to his existence. Yet, much to his surprise and much to his dismay, he finds at every stage that the solution to existence is not the solution he has come to find. Every stage he reaches leaves him disconcerted and perplexed. It is simply that as he solves one set of human problems he finds a new set in their place. The quest he finds is never ending."

Clare W. Graves

Some Basic Principles of Warfare That Bush Doesn't Get

Spate of Suicide Bombings Threaten "Surge"

I would never over simplify the situation in the Middle East and the current situation in Iraq. To be fairly blunt, I have not studied the nuances of the situation and thus in determining what is the best course of action is not within my current capacity. I do, on the other hand, have read some history; which might offer some insight to war in Iraq.

1. Declare war on enemies and with the purpose of destroying your enemies.

For some peculiar reason, modern times have seen "military operations" instead of war. War is a useful and powerful tool of a state to declare its will over another state. Utilizing war for anything else is not only foolish, but counter-productive. If a state is unwilling or unjustified in declaring war, it should think of other actions. If a state declares war without the intent of destroying its enemy, the war is lost. This lesson was learned in Vietnam, and I guess we are set to relearn this basic principle of war again.

2. An occupation is never a liberation.

I am amazed that people are astounded to hear that suicide bombings are increasing. This is not only surprising, but completely predictable. A military occupation, what ever the reasoning, will never be a liberation. Liberation requires that the people be empowered for their own fate, a military occupation (no matter how cooperative it is) is antithetical to this concept.

3. Liberty and Freedom are always relative.

To declare liberty and freedom, but in a specific manner (i.e. the US model's) is antithetical to the very principle of liberty and freedom. It is like telling a child they have the freedom to make any choice they want, as long as it aligns with the parents view. This is not a free choice at all. The outcome of such a situation is fairly predictable, the child will throw a tantrum. When applying the same principles on a grander scale; the outcome is also predictable. There will be an increase in conflict (which is what we are seeing in Iraq).

4. To Pull Out or Not to Pull Out

This question to me is a ludicrous question that now needs to be answered. This is like playing the game "just the tip" with your teenage girlfriend and at climax trying to decide, "do I pull out or not." The real question is: Are we at war? If we are at war, then destroy the enemy, nothing short of complete annihilation. This was more clear in ancient times where villages were burned, children killed, and women raped to breed out the people. Culture was not attempted to be saved or synthesized, it was eradicated.

To believe that war can ever be used to save a culture, protect the innocent, and liberate a people is naive. The only time this occurs is when the local people take up arms for themselves. Even the term "terrorist" is relative. The minute men of the US were thought of as terrorists by the dominant regime during their time. Now they are "freedom fighters". The line between "freedom fighter" and "terrorist" is only where you stand.

Instead of fighting terrorists, why not avoid conflicts and wars that require people to become warriors for their beliefs. Let those battles take place in conference halls through spoken word, not on the battlefields with 18 year old lives. There are times for war, today is not one of them.

Iraq and Apple = Great Parody

This parody marries two of the most idiotic strategies currently in the world into a "synergy" of stupidity. Now if only it could gain "traction" in the market place.

Love It or Leave It!

How many times have I heard the retort: "Love it or leave it!" I guess Halliburton has heard this and answered:

Halliburton Moves to Dubai

I don't understand debating whether Halliburton moved to avoid taxes, investigation, to put them closer to the action, or they just got tired of their surroundings. This debate is pointless and reduces to a he-said/she-said argument. Halliburton is moving their headquarters which is affecting our economy and our countries moral landscape.

Ultimately, I think Halliburton has a great idea and I would love for the government to support their move and maybe the US could create an entire industry off this model. I would love to see the day when one of our greatest exports is the exportation of CEOs. Maybe we could close the ridiculous gap in pay domestically that has occurred.

CEOs and the Rest of Us