Aneurysms and the echo

I used to write more about my gigantic aneurysm. I just reread some of what I wrote years ago. What I am realizing is that it is just as much a part of my day as it was when I found out I needed to have heart surgery. The difference is that it has become normal. Yesterday, I was crossing the border back into the US when I was asked about my prescriptions. My travel companion joked with immigration, "oh, those are for Grandpa and his heart." We laughed. Yet, every morning I hold 6 pills in my hand. I know that without these I would probably die within a year. This has become my morning ritual. Each morning confronting my mortality, holding it in my hand, knowing how frail I am and then going into the world. Heart surgery has helped me become a better father. I remembered while my wife was pregnant driving home one day, bitter and grumpy. I looked out the window and saw a patch of earth filled with weeds and flowers in the middle of the city. I smiled. A simple smile. A whole body smile. I wanted to find the awe in life again before my daughter was born. I have found the awe in life. I continue to find the awe in life. It starts with 6 pills every morning.

"Poor Impulse Control"

I have been reading (okay, listening) to Snow Crash. For those who have not read it, simply you just need to know that there is a character who has tattooed on his head "Poor Impulse Control." Punishments usually include tattooing on people's forehead crimes they have committed as a warning to others around them. I laughed for a bit and thought of people in my life and what would they have tattooed on their foreheads. After a few minutes of amusement at my friends expense, the question turned back on myself. What would I have tattooed on my forehead as a warning to those around me? What crimes committed do others need to be forewarned about? Not what do I want warned, but what don't I want others to be warned about? Isn't that the amusement of the tattoo in the story? That it is a sign for everyone in plain sight what you want hidden most. "Permanently Broken"

Street of Brains - Halloween 2009

Our Zombie Containment Camp Halloween Party.

Dutch Study Finds Economic Benefit from File Sharing

From: File sharing per saldo positieve economische effecten

Translate with: Google Translate

Full Report: Currently the 142 page full report is only available in Dutch. I am hoping for an English version soon. Its available at the TNO site.

File sharing net positive economic impact

The economic effects of file sharing on the Dutch welfare in the short and long term net positive. Consumers will benefit as a result of file sharing access to a wide range of cultural products. On the other hand, a fall in turnover from the sale of sound recordings, DVDs and games as a result is plausible.

This is reflected in joint research of SEO Economic Research, the Institute for Information Law (IViR) and TNO to the economic and cultural consequences of file sharing for music, movies and games on behalf of the Ministries of Education, Ministry of Economic Affairs and Justice. The analysis was conducted on the basis of a study of statistics and scientific literature, interviews with fervent downloaders, a representative survey of the population and a number of informational workshops in the sector.

Regulatory unclear

It appears that there are many unclear about the admissibility of download. The download for personal use of copyrighted music and movies may. Downloading games is prohibited. Downloading games is prohibited. In the case of p2p networks is often not only downloaded, but material, often automatically, again made available to others. This upload files without the permission of the owner, as such not allowed.

The effects of unpaid downloading the purchase of paid content are difficult to determine. Download and buy are not mutually exclusive: an average music downloaders buy more DVDs and more games than people who never download. Even more downloaders go to concerts and buy more merchandise.

Net profit prosperity

For the music industry is that downloaded pictures of 1-to-1 can be translated into lost sales. Many consumers who download music would not be in the same amount at current prices to buy and download unpaid not feasible. There are people who download music and get to know where to buy if they like.
Although there are also positive effects on the purchasing behavior of downloading, is a negative impact on the turnover of the sectors likely. This is particularly true for the sale of recordings, especially as downloading music has become the most established. In addition, there are differences between artists known artists seem to have more damage, while relatively unknown artists may even benefit when exchanging files increased their awareness .. For society as a whole is against this turnover of the sector the benefits of the large group of downloaders who would otherwise never have to purchase. On balance, there is a significant welfare gains.

New business models emerging

The music and film industries face the challenge to match their offerings with the changing consumer demand. New business models are emerging. The music is made for new movements to tap revenubronnen (concerts, merchandise and sponsorship). There is a place for music recordings, but in future it does not seem possible only on the basis of recorded music to run a profitable business. Within the film industry to grow the markets visit cinema and DVD sales still. DVD rental has fallen. Over time this can change quickly if the Internet is available. Again, there are important new business models. The game industry is growing boisterous, especially the console games and their hardware-software combination content. Here is file sharing on the watch less than eg PC games, where turnover is now stagnating. A related official platform game has so many advantages that it is not inconceivable that this industry is the file-sharing practice the music industry now faces a far greater extent could avert or circumvent.


Contact
Mr.Dr. A.E.H. (Annelies) Huygen
015 285 71 49

New Game by Days of Wonder Coming: Small World

Small World

It's a World of Slaughter
A World of tears...
It's a World of Dopes
And a World of fears...
There's TOO much that we share
So beware...
It's a Small World after all...

Technology Wars

I often am complaining about how technology is evaluated. I am not an Apple fan (except their iPod, which was well designed and a very well thought through device when it was released). A friend of mine sent this to me the other day and it nailed how ludicrous defining good technology has become..... the Apple Wheel.


Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Foucault & Chomsky - Applicable to today?

This is a famous debate and while obviously dated, I was watching and pondering whether it applies to modern times. Foucault's point of systems of power, specifically around knowledge, seems to define contemporary times. While western democracy has propagated freedom and rights, knowledge has been constructed as a market "good." Thus, knowledge can be owned in our society and another who accesses another's "knowledge" without permission is a criminal. What I find fascinating in this construction of knowledge is that it is a system, designed or by accident, that oppresses humans via knowledge; and puts the moral blame on the oppressed. This would be analogous to not allowing citizens to read, and any citizen who could read was a criminal and immoral. The mechanisms of knowledge have changed since the 12th century; but the drive to control and own knowledge remain the same.

Part 1:


Part 2:

Fear

I realize I haven't posted in a while and that is something I am going to try to be better at. I have been ruminating on many different current issues recently and feel that this is a good place to attempt to articulate my thoughts on where the world is going, specifically the USA (where I live).

It was a relief to have Obama elected as the next President of the USA not because of political views, or promises made presidential candidates (as if the promises meant anything, which they don't as ruled by the Supreme court), or as a correction to our previous administration. My relief in this election is a subtle and refreshing transition in the citizens of this state.

Obama ran on the platform of hope which stands in juxtaposition to the previous administrations platform of fear. America seemingly is fueled by fear. Currently we face many fears: the economy, terrorism, house foreclosing, unemployment, and the safety of our families to name just a few. I was pleasantly surprised that despite the bleak world and how much fear there is in our culture, people came out in mass to say, "I will no longer be afraid, there is hope."

I believe humanity is greatest when it holds hope. My hope is that we maintain our new found hope and fight against political cynicism and fear over the next decade no matter who is in office.

I am grateful to have a politician call out how base American political election cycles have become. Although, ironically the video ends with "let's talk about something serious and something real....."

Democracy, Freedom and Liberty.....

.... for the living only.

I only wish to say that the stories shared here are the exact reason that I believe war is not a tool for a civilization or society to influence, change, or assist another civilization and/or society. War is to destroy, annihilate, and eradicate an enemy.

Morality and ethics are a concern of the living.

I am find it hard to express the deep disgust I have for leaders of nations in modern times that lack the intellect, wisdom, and conviction to make decisions. Embrace war, embrace the slaughter, embrace the eradication of a people. To do otherwise is disingenuous and a mockery of history. If you can not embrace such a blood lust then maybe war was not the answer to the problem. Seldom has war really resolved conflicts.

Iraq Veterans Against the War

I respect and honor every soldier who has left their family to answer a call made by those who sit in offices. "When the rich wage war, it is the poor who die." And the poor who do return home continue to carry the burden of a choice that wasn't theirs.

The Ethics of Intellectual Property Rights - Part 1

I have been pondering the issues of Intellectual Property Rights, copyrights, piracy, the Digital Millenium Copyright Act (DMCA) as of late. I have come to some conclusions and have decided to share my views.

Critique #1 - Creation in a Vacuum

The concept of intellectual property rights is a continued assumption that the individual is the primary agent. That is to say the individual being is the nexus point for all action and thus reducible to the individual. This is exemplified in the mental health field with mental diagnoses being only focused on individual diagnosis. This is exemplified in the criminal court system with crimes being reduced to the individual "who does the crime." While these are two quick and broad stroking examples, such ideologies also seem to be applicable to the intellectual property rights as it questions: "who owns intellectual property?", but the question is framed in the assumed context that an individual is the answer, so we debate which individual that should be. The overt egocentric, and overly base, conception that the individual is the creator, doer, and owner of everything in its own domain is yet another perversion of Manifest Destiny.

I ask of anyone who creates, discovers*, invents, etc, the following question (I would hope this would include every living human):

Do you believe that you are the necessary and only necessary condition for your invention, creation, etc. to exist? In other words, would whatever you are supposedly the creator exist if and only if you created it AND only because you exist to create it?

I believe the above question is impossible to answer yes to. Furthermore, I would contend that intellectual property rights are based on answering that question yes and thus is a deluded sense of grandeur that the I exists, in some peculiar way, outside the socio-historic context that situates the individual. If I were to take a simple example of an artist who paints a painting. To believe that the artist is the SOLE creator of a painting she paints is interpreting creation as necessarily only teleological in nature. This is an overly reductionist interpretation. Any interpretation of creation take into consideration the socio historic context. For example, the artist has had access to a multiplicity of social resources (e.g. paint, training, time, knowledge of art, etc.) in order for the painting to come to fruition. I suggest we reject reductionist interpretations of creation and take into consideration the interactions of individuals in their community and society. If one does interpret the process of creation as inclusive to those interactions, then the creator any knowledge can not be reduced to a single individual.

NOTE: While at this point I can see my first argument being interpreted that I will claim that no one has ownership of any knowledge and thus artists create their art for the good of society with no compensation, I do not hold this view nor will I be arguing for some for of neo-Communist ideologies. At this point I am only calling into question and critiquing the accepted ideas around intellectual property rights.

Footnote: * - discover versus creation is an argument around whether or not knowledge is a priori or a posteriori. How one answers this question also will play into the legitimacy of intellectual property rights and is an issue I will investigate later.

Geek Mafia - Good book and Ethically Distributed

If you don't care for the reasons, you can just go to the book I am suggesting here: Geek Mafia by Rick Dakan

For about a year now I have been struggling with a few concepts and while I am not done struggling I have come to a few conclusions along the way. I will post the thoughts, reasons, and insights later; but for now just the conclusions and what that means.

• The current conception of intellectual property in the United States is not only epistemically bankrupt, but unethical.
  
• Knowledge, Information, and Power are interrelated to the point of inseparability.
  
• Ownership of knowledge and/or information is social and political power.
  
• Domination and exploitation exist in the cognitive sphere of humanity as much as the emotional and physical.
  

You may be asking: "so what?" Well for 2008 I have set a goal to support and utilize as little "all rights reserved copyrighted" materials and instead support artists, writers, and any other individual who offers their time to totalizing human intellectual capital. I just finished a book that falls in such a category and would highly suggest it.

Rick Dakan's book was published under the Creative Commons copyright.

You can get his book here: Geek Mafia by Rick Dakan

RIAAs Next Great Idea - Filters for your PC

I am wiped from doing homework all weekend and not really into writing up a long intellectual justification for why I find these types of things not only despicable but ethically and epistemically bankrupt. So, today, I will just link to the video of the RIAA explaining their new idea to put filters on your PC.

The Change by Tony Hoagland

The season turned like the page of a glossy fashion magazine.
In the park the daffodils came up
and in the parking lot, the new car models were on parade.

Sometimes I think that nothing really changes -

The young girls show the latest crop of tummies,
and the new president proves that he's a dummy.

but remember the tennis match we watched that year?
Right before our eyes

some tough little European blonde
pitted against that big black girl from Alabama,
cornrowed hair and Zulu bangles on her arms,
some outrageous name like Vondella Aphrodite -

We were just walking past the lounge
and got sucked in by the screen above the bar,
and pretty soon
we started to care about who won,

putting ourselves into each whacked return
as the volleys went back and forth and back
like some contest between
the old world and the new,

and you loved her complicated hair
and her to-hell-with-everybody stare,
and I,
I couldn't help wanting
the white girl to come out on top,
because she was one of my kind, my tribe,
with her pale eyes and thin lips

and because the black girl was so big
and so black,
so unintimidated,

hitting the ball like she was driving the Emancipation Proclamation
down Abraham Lincoln's throat,
like she wasn't asking anyone's permission.

There are moments when history
passes you so close
you can smell its breath,
you can reach your hand out
and touch it on its flank,

and I don't watch all that much Masterpiece Theatre,
but I could feel the end of an era there

in front of those bleachers full of people
in their Sunday tennis-watching clothes

as that black girl wore down her opponent
then kicked her ass good
then thumped her once more for good measure

and stood up on the red clay court
holding her racket over her head like a guitar.

And the little pink judge
had to climb up on a box
to put the ribbon on her neck,
still managing to smile into the camera flash,
even though everything was changing

and in fact, everything had already changed -

Poof, remember? It was the twentieth century almost gone,
we were there,

and when we went to put it back where it belonged,
it was past us
and we were changed.


from What Narcissism Means to Me © Graywolf Press.

Pissed Off!

If I have to hear from one more person: "I bet you are grateful to be alive." I am going to fucking punch them in the head (and not emotionally speaking to reference the 40 Year Old Virgin). My god people! I know you are trying to be understanding and caring and positive. But let me spell it out for everyone so they can get it.

On May 25th, 2007 I died. I accepted my life had come to an end. That was all. I said goodbye to my wife, my love, my mother, my child. I experienced the ending of everything and knowing there wouldn't be a tomorrow...........................

then I woke up. And since then every day has been filled with pain and sorrow of that end. Knowing that I will experience that again. Wanting to be close to people and unable to. Being overwhelmed by anger that by no fault of anyone, I have hurt those I love and seemingly ruined my relationships.

Now we can be cheesy and talk about being reborn, a phoenix, being grateful. The truth is this: I have lost everything in my life and every day in every moment is a reminder of that loss. I feel it every waking moment and it has become so overwhelming that being close to people has become something that is not a possibility. Yet isolating myself is also an excruciating pain.

So please spare me the grateful comments and the joys of life. I am glad you think so. I on the other hand have seen what is the cost of it all and it is unbearable to be aware of.

-J

Broken

I am broken, have healed....
still have not mended.

The Night Before.......

The night before..... it is an experience in and of itself. The night before the first day of school. The night before Christmas. The night before the first day of a new job. All my fears, all my aspirations, all my concerns, all the possibilities swirl around keeping me from sleeping. I know I should be rested for tomorrow, but the anticipation and trepidation keep me from my slumber.

Tomorrow (or I should say, today) is the first day of the new hockey season. In 4 hours I will be on the ice. All my concerns, my worries will melt away for that hour as we glide around the rink. Unfortunately, its four hours away, which is fours hours for me to ponder my fears and ponder my hopes.

I pray my hopes will win over my fears.

The Tick

Tick…..tick…..tick…..tick…..”do not tax their lives with forethought of grief”…. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…… tick…… “Forethought of grief”. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…. Tick…. “free”….. tick… tick… tick…. Escape the forethought of grief? Why? I lay here, watching the sun dance through the leaves above me. The grass against my skin, the tick… tick… tick… tick… A bumble bee flies near me… tick… tick… tick… Free? Freedom from the forethought of grief in the moment? What does that mean? Being is grief and free. Tick… tick… tick… tick… FOCUS! Focus on everything around you, tick… tick… tick… tick… I am focusing! Aren’t I? Tick… tick… tick…. Tick… What else is there to focus on besides my own pulse, my heart thumping in my chest. Tick…tick… tick… tick… tick… free from forethought of grief? Tick… tick… tick… the clock ticks away. Rest in the grace of the world…. Tick… tick… tick… tick… sun dancing through the leaves, blinding then dark and then blinding again. Tick… tick… tick… tick… the metronome continues as a clock ticking down my life. FOCUS! Tick… tick… tick… tick… I am focused! Where else should my focus be but on that which is most important to me… my heart pumping blood through my body. The tick of my artificial valve ticks like a clock in my head. There is no escaping it. Why would I want to? The grass is fine, the sun is nice, but the tick… tick… tick… of the valve. It slows as I breathe deeper. Tick…….. tick…….. tick…… it is a constant reminder of grief to come and grief that has been. When the tick stops, so do I. So I lay here and listen to my life…. Tick….. tick….. tick….. tick….. tick….. and lose myself in my own rhythmic beat of my heart feeling each contraction and grateful for each beat. And in each tick is a grateful acceptance of grief that will be as opposed to a reprieve. Tick….. tick….. tick…… tick…. I embrace my future grief when the ticking will end.

Dust to Dust to Dumb and Dumber

I swear every day I believe that organizations, government, and marketing firms think I get more stupid. The new one is the "Dust to Dust Automotive Energy Report." You can read a little about this here:

Hummer versus Prius:
“Dust to Dust” Report Misleads the Media and Public with Bad Science

The anti-hybrid “dust-to-dust” cost study that just won’t die

While there are a million blogs debunking the bad science, the bad methodology, the motives of the research organization CNW Research; there is a critical piece missing. The following statements are taken straight from CNW Researches website:

"To put the data into understandable terms for consumers, it was translated into a “dollars per lifetime mile” figure. That is, the Energy Cost per mile driven. This is a general-consumer report, not a technical document per se. It includes breakdowns of each vehicle’s total energy requirements from Dust to Dust but does not include issues of gigajuelles, kW hours or other unfriendly (to consumers) terms. Perhaps, in time, we will release our data in such technical terms. First, however, we will only look at the energy consumption cost."

Gee thanks! I don't think my feeble mind could even comprehend such complicated concepts as kW hours or gigajuelles, especially if I am interested in comparing environmental issues like, oh,... ENERGY CONSUMPTION! This has to be the worst cover for saying, "we have bad methodology and so we won't disclose it." No where is the methodology of the study offered or the data (something that is considered required for ANY academic or research publication.) This "report" is great example of how information can be created in a social context and justified by feeble logical fallacies, specifically Ad Verecundiam in this case.

It is amazing how article headlines, short tag lines, and buzz phrases have replaced (or is attempting to replace) actual critical thought that requires information to be digested and analyzed.

I ask nicely of my government and research organizations:

"PLEASE DON'T CONSIDER IT UNFRIENDLY FOR ME TO THINK. IT IS OFFENSIVE IN A DEMOCRACY THAT REQUIRES ITS CITIZENS TO THINK AND ASSESS!"

When one faces death......

Recently, I went to the ER because I didn't feel "right". Nothing more, nothing less. No extreme pain. No specific symptom. My expectation was that I had some infection or something and they would give me some medication. I ended up having an aneurysm and needed open heart surgery to replace my ascending aorta and my aortic valve. Reduced down, I accepted in a very brief amount of time (a couple of days) that I could very well die and that I had lived my life. Having a three month year old daughter, this was very hard to come to grips with. I have survived, I am recovering (physically); but there is a residue of this acceptance of my death continues to permeate my being in some ominous fashion. The only escape seems to be irrational grasps at normalcy: eating breakfast at a local diner, seeing friends, watching the NHL Stanley Cup games, playing a board game, posting on a blog. In the end, escape doesn't seem to be possible; nor wise. At some point life and death will both need to become part of my existence, I just don't know how it will be at this point.